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Talking With Your Elderly Parents About Their Money (Part I)

Talking about money with your parents is a big and complex topic.  It often causes heartache and worry. This is Part I of a three-part series on things to consider.

One of the most difficult things we talk with clients about is when they begin to see that their parents need help or might need help with their money.  If you’ve spent your life with your parents upholding the cultural norm that money is not to be discussed, then you’re even in a more complicated place.  This is so common in our practice. 

It’s important to start these conversations early, before any mental impairment is an issue. Try to be sensitive to your parents’ feelings around aging and their ability to care for themselves. Often, a good icebreaker is to discuss your own finances and planning first.

There is no easy or quick solution, except for one thing.  Start early even if it is uncomfortable.  We say this often and regularly to our clients.  It does not make the conversation easier, but it gives you time to build a money relationship with your parents before there is an emergency. 

One of the biggest potential challenges of managing your parent’s finances is getting them to share information with you. Many parents are secretive, or think they have everything handled and don’t want their children involved. Understand, to ask for help or receive help regarding finances can feel like an admission of decline.

There are some signs that can trigger beginning this conversation if you’re challenged at knowing if it’s the right time:

  • Unattended mail. A lot of mail is not junk mail and if your parents are not able to sort mail, it might be time to talk about money.
  • Deferred maintenance on their home. Many times we see that deferred maintenance on a home is a signal that children need to increase support. There are often conversations about how maintenance is too expensive, or they don’t trust anyone to come into their home to do repairs.
  • Unusual purchases. If your parent is making some odd purchases, then it might be worth a conversation. Like if they’ve already purchased a couple of space heaters and they buy two more for winter months, you might want to start a conversation. A lot of times, a person will look at the heating gas bill and then opt for a space heater as an option if they think the bill is too high.
  • Complaining about money. When your parents starts complaining more the usual about money, how expensive things are, how complicated finances have become, it can be a clue that they are over-whelmed and could us some support. We all have complaints about managing out money, but when that escalates, it might be an indication that finances are becoming too confusing or complicated for them.

We are happy to work with families and facilitate meetings among families to provide an outside perspective and help the family work toward the best possible outcome.  We sometimes ask families to enjoy lunch or dinner and we get to know them in order to begin that relationship.  We also recommend working with an estate planning attorney to establish necessary documents to protect your parents and their estate.  We work collaboratively with a couple of estatw attorneys to make the process simpler and less overwhelming.

Having a Power of Attorney, a will or trust in place with documents outlining the whats and who’s of your parents’ assets is critical to making it easy.  This must be done early. Don’t wait until an emergency to get paperwork in place. And as always, we recommend working with your financial advisor on these issues.  Either yours or your parents financial advisor can help you navigate the issues.  Just remember, your parents have to give you permission.


If you have questions, just call us. We are happy to help you work through it.


Important Disclosures:
The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.
This material was created for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as investment advice.
All information is believed to be from reliable sources; however LPL Financial makes no representation as to its completeness or accuracy.

LPL Tracking Number:  439313  

Securities and Advisory services offered through LPL Financial, a Registered Investment Advisor, Member FINRA & SIPC. 

LPL Financial Representatives offer access to Trust Services through The Private Trust Company N.A., an affiliate of LPL Financial.

The LPL Financial representative associated with this webpage may only discuss and/or transact securities business with residents of the following states: Arizona (AZ), California (CA), Colorado (CO),  Illinois (IL),  Iowa, (IA), Michigan (MI),  Missouri (MO), Nebraska (NE),  New Mexico (NM), North Carolina (NC),  Oregon (OR),  Texas (TX).

Ricky P Tredwin.  CA Insurance Lic. #OC24309

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